The Weekend Property and Construction Newsletter

Saturday 18 May 2002
Circulation : exceeds 1,100 subscribers
Property and Construction related articles featured on the Internet for the past week brought to you by www.asaqs.co.za .
News specific to the quantity surveying profession is reflected at the bottom of this newsletter. Click on the blue headline if you wish to read the full article on the Internet.
Past issues of this newsletter can be found at http://www.asaqs.co.za/news/

INDEX
Construction and Development News
Retail Roundup
Housing News and Land Issues
News from Africa
Mining News
News for Estate Agents and Home Owners
Property Links
The Agent's tool kit
Building Terms
Special Reports
Economic Indicators
ASAQS News
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CONSTRUCTION AND DEVELOPMENT NEWS
 

Blue-chip tenant Harmony moves into Melrose Arch
MELROSE Arch, a multibillionrand mixed-use development in the north of Johannesburg, has secured another blue-chip tenant in mining company Harmony Gold. Harmony will set up its new corporate offices in 300m² there this month. Its move follows...
(©www.bday.co.za)

Buying blind can be profitable
MOST people would think twice before buying a new car unseen, let alone a multimillion-dollar flat in New York. However, buying a flat in a new building based on a floor plan often before construction begins is not unusual in New York and can deliv...
(©www.bday.co.za)

Developers keep keen eye on dune ecology
SHEARWATER Homes and Bellandia have teamed up to launch a R185m high-density gated residential development. The 630-home project, Capricorn Beach, will cover 16ha between Capricorn Technology Park and Muizenberg Beach in Cape Town, and will have half a kilometre of sea frontage.
(©www.bday.co.za)

Syndicate plans mall, residential units in Athlone
A SYNDICATE of Western Cape-based black empowerment companies plans to develop a R200m mixed use development anchored by a regional shopping centre in Athlone, Cape Town.The development, Vanguard Place, at the intersection of Vanguard Drive and the N2 highway, is a rare investment in Cape Town's less affluent suburbs.
(©www.bday.co.za)

In Brief
TOP prices are being paid for prime properties along the Atlantic Seaboard, with nine homes fetching between R3m and R7m each since February, says Pam Golding Properties. Two Llandudno homes fetched R6,85m and R7,75m respectively, a Hout Bay home went for R5m, and a new luxury house in upper Camps Bay, in the final stages of completion, was bought by a German investor for more than R5m.
(©www.bday.co.za)

Group Five overcomes weaknesses
Manufacturing division's Everite stages slow but convincing turnaround by improving quality CONSTRUCTION and engineering company Group Five said yesterday its manufacturing division, which contributed 15% to turnover, had turned the corner.The division, which has long been the group's Achilles' heel, has started to perform better since the release of Group Five's interim results for the six months to December in February.
(©www.bday.co.za)

R2,5bn upgrade will ease container traffic
THE Port of Durban Development 2005 Project is a R2,5bn commitment by Transnet to upgrade the port's infrastructure and facilities to international standards. Notwithstanding fluctuations in the rand-dollar exchange rate since the project was first announced in September 2000, effectively pushing the costs up from R1,3bn, the port authority remains committed to the scheduled upgrades.
(©www.bday.co.za)

Centre extended for Indaba bid
CONSTRUCTION on the first phase of the International Convention Centre (ICC) extension that began last month will be fast-tracked ahead of the African Union Summit scheduled for Durban in the first two weeks of July.
(©www.bday.co.za)

Poised for growth as plans fall into place
AN ESTIMATED R12bn worth of investments are scheduled to come on line in Durban over the next year, and the city has never before been as poised for growth as it is today.
(©www.bday.co.za)

Water's edge development
DEMOLITION work is well under way and construction imminent on the fast-tracked R21,5m harbour waterfront project, known as Wilson's Wharf. Earlier this year, Ithala, the provincial development finance agency, and local Durban businessman John Wilson, began a joint venture to kickstart the waterfront scheme.
(©www.bday.co.za)

Mondi moves to lower pollution
MONDI, Anglo American's pulp and paper business, will boost output at its Durban South paper plant by a R450m investment in new machinery. The move will raise Mondi Paper exports of uncoated wood-free paper to 240000 tons a year, from 200000 tons.
(©www.bday.co.za)

Liberty International in £275m venture
LIBERTY International, the London- based property group with a secondary listing on the JSE Securities Exchange SA, has acquired a 100% interest in Chapelfield, a £275m planned retail development in Norwich in the UK. Steered by Donald Gordon, who became a financial services tycoon in SA in the 1980s and 1990s, Liberty International has become one of the largest listed commercial property investors in the UK.
(©www.bday.co.za)

New iFour units should stop value dilution
A DEFERRED issue of 6-million iFour linked units to property company iProp's shareholders should prevent the dilution of shareholder value caused by increased listed property yields.
(©www.bday.co.za)

iProp has begun to unbundle
Pretoria - iProp, the listed land development and property investment company, has started unbundling its investment property portfolio through a proposed R206.5 million deal.
(©www.busrep.co.za)

Public works empowers black contractors
CAPE TOWN The Public Works Department allocated R908m in capital works projects to black contractors during the 2001-02 financial year, Public Works Minister Stella Sigcau said in her budget vote speech yesterday.
(©www.bday.co.za)

Sasol launches gas project with African governments
Johannesburg - The Natural Gas Project, a joint venture between Sasol, the government and its Mozambican counterpart, was launched this week with the hope that it would create about a thousand new jobs during the three-year construction period.
(©www.busrep.co.za)

Plenty of room at the CBD inn
Pretoria - Office vacancies in the first quarter of this year fell in only seven of the 26 nodes in Johannesburg, Cape Town, Durban and Pretoria, according to the latest survey by the SA Property Owners' Association.
(©www.busrep.co.za)

BHP Billiton to sell shares in A$3.3bn steel spin-off
Melbourne - BHP Billiton would sell shares worth A$178 million (R988.97 million) in its steel division, which is being spun off so the world's biggest miner can focus on oil and mine production, the group said yesterday.
(©www.busrep.co.za)

Coronation's net attributable profit slips 20%
Cape Town - Financial services group Coronation Holdings' net attributable profit slipped a fifth to R247 million in the six months to March after uncertainty in global financial markets and investor scepticism had a negative effect on trading, particularly in the investment banking operations, the group said yesterday
(©www.busrep.co.za)

Toyota to invest R3.5bn over three years
Durban - Toyota South Africa, the motor manufacturer, would invest a further R3.5 billion in South Africa in the next three to four years, Bert Wessels, the chairman of Toyota SA, said yesterday.
(©www.busrep.co.za)

Road plan in pipeline for Gauteng
Pretoria - Gauteng Superhighways Consortium, which is proposing to upgrade the Pretoria-Johannesburg road corridor network at a cost of between R1.2 billion and R1.5 billion, believes the scheme will result in massive economic benefits, including the creation of 40 000 jobs over the next 30 years.
(©www.busrep.co.za)

1930s policies all the more vital in Megadepression
The Great Depression of the 1930s is a misnomer. It was given that title because of the high levels of unemployment following the New York Stock Exchange crash of 1929. Yet at the height of that economic slump, unemployment in South Africa never reached much more than a generally agreed 25 percent of the working population. On this basis, our present economic circumstances should perhaps be labelled the Megadepression. Officially the unemployment rate is at nearly 30 percent. Unofficially - and probably more accurately - the rate is at least 40 percent.
(©www.busrep.co.za)

Sustainable development reeks of contradiction
I read somewhere that research suggests that the average male thinks about sex once every seven minutes. Now that still leaves about six minutes in every seven-minute cycle for the male mind to wander on to other things. During one such six-minute period my mind wandered to the impending summit on sustainable development.
(©www.busrep.co.za)

Firms positive on Joburg's prospects
Pretoria - Large manufacturers in the greater Johannesburg metropolitan area seem relatively optimistic about future business prospects, according to a new survey. But this optimism is likely to erode if constraints such as crime and violence and the shortage of skilled labour persist.
(©www.busrep.co.za)

Big restructuring on cards
Public Enterprises Minister Jeff Radebe reports that there are ten State Enterprise initiatives which should allow government to meet its target of R12-billion this year.
(©www.engineeringnews.co.za)

UK firm seeks SA steel, aluminium partners
UK firm Tyne Tube Services will be visiting South Africa as part of a trade delegation organised form July 1 to July 5.
(©www.engineeringnews.co.za)

Three die in steel mill accident
Three men were killed and two others were injured when parts of a filtration system collapsed in South African steel producer Iscor’s hot strip mill at its Saldanha plant yesterday, the company said.
(©www.engineeringnews.co.za)

Final report on collapsed bridge by June
The inquiry into the collapse of the Injaka bridge while under construction in Mpumalanga has finally come to an end. The 300 m seven-span continuous prestressed concrete structure gave way in mid- construction on July 6, 1998, killing 14 people and injuring 19.
(©www.engineeringnews.co.za)

Lubombo project on course, say regional ministers
Regional ministers from Swaziland, Mozambique and South Africa moved forward by reaffirming their joint programme to create a vibrant tourism economy in a cross-border zone between Lubombo Mountains and the Indian Ocean.
(©www.engineeringnews.co.za)

First tenders for Cape dam by 2003
Construction of a R1,4-billion dam and pumping scheme on the Berg River, about five kilometres from Franschhoek in the Western Cape has been given the green light.
(©www.engineeringnews.co.za)

R1bn hospital contract reflects new era
A private consortium is said to have won Africa’s first ever public-private partnership (PPP) contract to run a government hospital in a deal worth overR1-billion and valid for 15 years.
(©www.engineeringnews.co.za)

Back to Index

 
RETAIL ROUNDUP
 

It's all about the experience
If legendary showman Cecil B. DeMille were still alive and directing not movies but shopping centers, I know he would have the attitude and passion necessary to compete in today's retail real estate environment. And today's shopping center executives would do well to think a bit like Cecil B. DeMille.
(©www.industryclick.com)

Town centers: It's all in the mix
The best examples of town center design have changed and improved upon the traditional model to result in more complex and richer environments.
(©www.industryclick.com)

Outlook improves for Mall of Rosebank
Refurbishment, improved trading, capital investment and drop in crime mark turnaround for small commercial centre Property Editor IMPROVED trading at the refurbished Mall of Rosebank could signal a turnaround for the small Johannesburg commercial no...
(©www.bday.co.za)

ZONING TRENDS: The mixed-use puzzle
If there is one thing that architects, planners and developers agree on at the beginning of the 21st Century, it's that the ideal form of commercial development mixes housing, office and retail in a lively community setting...
(©www.bday.co.za)

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Business Incentives
Cash Grants
Cash Sharing Grants
Competitive Enhancement
Development Finance
Empowerment
Export facilitation
Human resources
Investment incentives
Matching grants
Sectoral
Small, Medium
Social Benefit
Tax Incentives
Technology (research
Tourism
(©www.engineeringnews.co.za)
Business Opportunities

Government Tender Bulletin
Trade by Industry
SA Business Brief
Worldwide telephone directories

 
HOUSING NEWS AND LAND ISSUES
 

Encouraging start to SA land care
Proper management of agricultural natural resources needed to limit damage SA STILL has a long way to go to take proper care of its natural agricultural resources like land, water and soil.
(©www.bday.co.za)

Low-income earners to get bigger housing subsidies
Increases from 26% to 54% result of larger budget allocations CAPE TOWN Government has announced substantial increases in some cases, the first since 1997 in the housing subsidies it gives lowincome earners.
(©www.bday.co.za)

Rand Leases to roll out 12 000 houses
Property loan stock company Rand Leases Properties is to roll out another 12000 low-cost houses in Bram Fisherville, between Soweto and Roodepoort
(©www.bday.co.za)

Back to Index

 
NEWS FROM AFRICA
 

Gloom over Zimbabwe's maize crop
Zimbabwe, normally a regional breadbasket, may harvest even less maize than previously expected, worsening the outlook for a nation desperately short on food
(©www.bday.co.za)

Maputo will push ahead with new $520m port
Maputo - The Mozambican government said on Monday that plans to build a $520 million new deep-water harbour in the south would go ahead despite protests that there were two major ports nearby and the area was environmentally sensitive.
(©www.busrep.co.za)

Zimbabweans see peace, food as main priorities
THE needs of ordinary Zimbabweans went far beyond the land question. About 43% of Zimbabweans wanted peace to prevail and 40% were hoping for an economic intervention to curb rising food prices.
(©www.bday.co.za)

Zimbabwe starts selling a smaller tobacco crop
HARARE Zimbabwe's lucrative tobacco selling season opens today with a drop in total production caused by a drought which has hit the country this year, industry officials said yesterday.
(©www.bday.co.za)

More oil finds off Nigeria
The world’s largest publicly traded oil company, Exxon Mobil, announced a new oil discovery by its Nigerian unit bearing a test rate of 5 000 barrels per day.
(©www.engineeringnews.co.za)

Zambia's gemstone potential unearthed
Gemstone miners in Zambia are agitating for the replacement of copper with gemstones as the country's foreign-exchange earner.
(©www.miningweekly.co.za)

Back to Index

VIRUS ALERT

The past two weeks have seen the rampant spread of the W32.Kletz e-mail virus in South Africa.
W32.Klez.H@mm is a modified variant of the worm W32.Klez.E@mm. This variant is capable of spreading by e-mail and network shares. It is also capable of infecting files. This worm searches the Windows address book, the ICQ database, and local files for e-mail addresses. The worm sends an email message to these addresses with itself as an attachment.

Because this worm uses a randomly chosen address that it finds on an infected computer as the "From:" address, numerous cases have been reported in which users of uninfected computers received complaints that they sent an infected message to someone else.

Removal tool
Symantec has provided a tool to remove infections of all known variants of W32.Klez and W32.ElKern. Click here to obtain the tool.
This is the easiest way to remove these threats and should be tried first.

FREE ANTI-VIRUS
Free Anti-Virus Protection!
Use our unique offer - AVG 6.0 Free Edition. Download, install and use AVG 6.0 Anti-Virus system to reliably protect your computer and data free of charge. Go to Free Download Page to get more information.

 

 
MINING NEWS
Architectural competitions, etc.
Architecture for Humanity, a non-profit organization that promotes architecture and design solutions to global, social and humanitarian crises, announces its 2002 International Design Competition. For this year’s competition, participants are invited to develop designs for a fully equipped, mobile medical unit and HIV/AIDS treatment centre specifically for use in Africa. The deadline for design submissions is November 1, 2002. Contact Cameron Sinclair csinclair@architectureforhumanity.org

National Architectural Competition Freedom Square, Kliptown, Soweto
The Johannesburg Development Agency (JDA) invited architects, other professionals in the building environment and any persons who believe they have ideas to contribute to enter the national competition for the development of Freedom Square. Freedom Square was where the Congress of the People met in 1955 to discuss the terms of the Freedom Charter. The SA constitution owes much to the concepts expressed in the Charter. The meeting in 1955, on an open piece of land in Kliptown, is therefore of profound importance. Registrations take place between 22 April and 13 May 2002, submission of entries by 18 June 2002, and the announcement of the winner takes place on 26 June 2002. First prize = R 300 000.00 second prize = R 200 000.00 third prize = R 100 000.00. Requests for registration and other details must be faxed or e-mailed to : the Competition Administrator, (011) 646-9643 e-mail hprins@accessweb.co.za
Concrete Manufacturers Association
invites entries for the 2002 Awards for Excellence competition. The purpose of the awards is to recognise excellence in the aesthetic and creative use of masonry, block paving, roof tiles, retaining blocks and floor slabs and to honour those involved in the design and construction. Closing date for entries is 31st May 2002. Further information available on (011) 805-6742 or e-mail cma@cis.co.za
Thanks to the PIA for the information
 

Titanium project proceeds
SOUTHERN Mining's plans to develop the Corridor Sands titanium project in Mozambique took a step forward this week with the signing of the project implementation agreement with the Mozambican government
(©www.bday.co.za)

Growth focus after golden JSE debut
African Rainbow Minerals Gold (ARMgold) is strongly focused on growing gold production, income and profits in the coming months, following its historic and highly successful listing on the JSE Securities Exchange.
(©www.miningweekly.co.za)

Gold demand falls in first quarter
Global demand for gold fell 10% to 749,5 tons in the first quarter of this year against a year earlier due to a massive slump in Indian consumption, the World Gold Council (WGC) said.
(©www.miningweekly.co.za)

State gem miner to be sold by Feb
Government plans to secure a strategic equity partner (SEP) for troubled State-owned diamond miner Alexkor during the course of the current financial year.
(©www.miningweekly.co.za)

Illegal mines plague S Africa's aggregate and stone producers
The Aggregate and Stone Producers' Association of South Africa (ASPASA) is immediately affected by an increase in the number of illegal mines in the country, according to director Nico Pienaar.
(©www.miningweekly.co.za)

German surface miner could replace coal-mine's truck-and-shovel methods
A subsidiary of MAN Takraf Fordertechnik, MAN Takraf South Africa, is engaged in the development of more-effective surface mining technologies at present.
(©www.miningweekly.co.za)

Smith to step down from mining group
Hans Smith has announced that he would be stepping down as non-executive chairperson and as a member of the Board of Kumba Resources at the company’s annual general meeting in November after having successfully fulfilled his mandate.
(©www.miningweekly.co.za)

Strike will hurt after three days
South Africa’s number three gold miner Harmony Gold said bullion output at its Randfontein gold mine would be affected if a threatened strike lasted longer than three days.
(©www.miningweekly.co.za)

Mining meets to beef up developmental image
The mining industry moved to put another nail in the coffin of its swashbuckling past at the opening of a major conference in Toronto, designed give it a kinder, gentler and greener face.
(©www.miningweekly.co.za)

Cameroon government puts rutile project up for sale
Following promulgation of the country’s new mining code, 90% of Cameroon’s Akonolinga rutile project is up for sale. The mining code stipulates that the state can no longer hold more than 10% of any mining venture.
(©www.miningweekly.co.za)

Gold exploration shows promise
Leading gold-miner AngloGold says that its global greenfields and brownfields exploration programme produced encouraging results during the three months to the end of March.
(©www.miningweekly.co.za)

SA's top five mining capital equipment exporters
South African mining capital equipment exporters are beginning to realise their potential placing in the global environment, and are launching into markets that were previously untouched by local mining equipment suppliers.
(©www.miningweekly.co.za)

Ellendale diamond mine, West Kimberley region, Western Australia.
The project will involve the establishment at a diamond mining and processing operation
(©www.miningweekly.co.za)

Back to Index

 
NEWS FOR ESTATE AGENTS AND HOME OWNERS
 

Now property company offers free email
In a bold marketing move, international real estate company ERA has launched its own free e-mail service, ERAMail.
(©www.property24.co.za)

Spotlight on: Tzaneen
The residential property market in Tzaneen, green heart of the Limpopo province, is flourishing - thanks to an increase in tourism and a steady rise in the number of buyers moving to the town from neighbouring Nkowankowa and Ga-Kgapane.
(©www.property24.co.za)

Atlantic apartment prices soar
The prices of apartments on the Cape Atlantic seaboard have rocketed in the past year and seem set to carry on rising, despite the recent interest rate increases.
(©www.property24.co.za)

Surfing cuts relocation costs
New research by Property24 reveals that almost two-thirds of all online home searches in South Africa are performed during working hours.
(©www.property24.co.za)

Nice house, but who owns it?
Home buyers should be aware that it is not a legal requirement for the seller of a property to be the actual owner of that property at the time of sale.
(©www.property24.co.za)

Back to Index

The agent's tool kit...
Homeloan Calculator
Transfer Fees Guide
Bond Registration Costs Guide
Contract for Housing and Minor Works
Contract for the sale of a house
Checklist for Moving Home
Homebuyer's Checklist
Homeseller's Guide


Building Terms

Don't know your architraves from your dados? How about your flaunchings and transoms?
Get to grips with building terms here.

ASQS Webshop

Visit our new online Webshop to purchase documents and programs online.


 

PROPERTY LINKS
Gauteng property price index Residential property market 2q2002
Building statistics Home loan market share
Income and expenditure of households Tourism and migration
Calculators Transfer costs
House Hunting Tips: What to look out for
 
SPECIAL REPORTS
 

Finding information on the Net
With more than 36million websites out there, how does one find relevant information?
Few of us know how to use search engines correctly so this week's special report will focus on mining for information on the web.
Web Searching Tips
Learn how to search better and how major search engines work from a searcher's perspective.
Some interesting facts about search engines
Did you know that "Nine out of ten web users visit a search engine, portal or community site each month. They also revisit frequently, nearly five times per month."
Search Engine Listings
Find major search engines, meta search engines, news search engines and more.
Teoma.com
The new kid on the block, give it a spin. They claim: "In addition to utilizing existing search techniques, Teoma applies a new measure of relevance to deliver authoritative search results."
Going underground
There is more to the Net than meets the eye. This search engine will show you the way (not for minors) Enjoy!

Back to Index

ECONOMIC INDICATORS
 
The indicators as on
May 17 2002 at 11:45PM
This week
10/05/02
Rand/$
9.9600
10.1800
Rand/£
14.5147
14.8994
Rand/€
9.1662
9.3015
R150
11.830%
11.930%
Gold/oz
$310.75
$310.80
Gold index
3258.8
3219.6
JSE All Share
11418.8
11507.0

Closing prices:
BUILDING, CONSTRUCTION AND ENGINEERING

Optimism for local economy rises
Optimism for the domestic economy is rising as inflationary fears abate on the back of the appreciating rand, while the economy is also expected to benefit from an upsurge in appetite for emerging markets' assets, the latest Merrill Lynch survey of fund managers shows
(©www.bday.co.za)

Back to Index

Authorities defend Saambou deal
Saambou's curator, John Louw, on Friday defended the government's move to place the troubled bank under curatorship and the subsequent purchase of Saambou by FirstRand.
(©www.news24.co.za)

Rand breaks 10/$, slips back
The rand's break through 10/dollar on Friday has taken its gains to over 16%, making it the best performing currency in the world so far this year, according to Reuters data. But analysts are questioning whether the trend is sustainable.
(©www.news24.co.za)

'Immigration law can harm SA
Home Affairs Minister Mangosuthu Buthelezi says he presented a new immigration bill to parliament under duress, adding that the bill could harm South Africa's economy.
(©www.bday.co.za)

 
ASAQS NEWS
 

Earned Value Management
One of the most useful outputs of Earned Value Management is the Estimate at Completion; it allows the project manager to keep predicting the project's final cost along the project's life cycle - before the project is completed.
What happens if the project manager cannot justify the deviation between subsequent predictions?
Luis de Seabra Coelho proposes the use of the Balanced Estimate at Completion
(©www.projectmagazine.com)

Spotted in Classifieds on the ASAQS website
JUNIOR COST ENG
Jnr Cost Eng in Namibia. R110 per hour. All expenses paid. Pls send CV to ceasa3@uskonet.com

QS POSITIONS:GAUTENG
Urgent:(2)Civil and Building exp. Bryanston area. International company.
Tel: 0829554854
Town: Pretoria

QS Student
I am a fourth year Quantity surveyor student at the University of Pretoria. I would like to be considered for in-service trainig.

Gypsy Sailing Dinghy
Gypsy fibreglass dinghy on galvanised road trailer with removable dolly for launching. Price includes sails and 3 lifejackets.
Price: R5 500 onco

Property for sale in Mozambique
Stand - 5000m/2 6 Bed roomed House (296m/2) 3.5 Bathrooms Living room (Offices) – Air-conditioned Dining room Kitchen Basement
Guestrooms en-suite for guests (Can be used as offices) – Air-conditioned Restaurant Bar Swimming Pool Electric fence Offices 45m/2 Business A very successful guesthouse, with U.S.D 130 000.00 per annum turnover..

Private Plot for Sale
Plot with river/sea view in upmarket suburb (Tide waters) Gonubie, East London for Sale. Valued at R 145 000. Selling for R 98 000. 200m from river - see attached photograph...

Remember: Visit the ASAQS website for new updates!

New members to the CUG
A warm word of welcome to the following members who have joined us in the CUG during the past week:


Calvin Setzkorn
Tony Jugmohan
Bonakelo Mothei

Please note that your registration to the CUG will remain in force as long as you remain a member of ASAQS and there is no need to register every year. If you have not received an e-mail confirming your registration contact ASAQS.

Back to Index

Did you hear?

The divorce classic...

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce.

The attorney asked, "May I help you?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces."

The attorney said, "Well, do you have any grounds?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres."

The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

The attorney said, "No, you don't understand. I mean do you have a grudge?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."

The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"

The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."

The exasperated attorney said, "Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"

The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."

Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?!"

And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."

 
 
 
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